Well
basically the top five trends everyone is talking about at LFW are (1)
penises being a thing? God they are still having the biggest moment
since Michelangelo’s Dave, eg Christopher Kane literally went to life
drawing classes so he could get all the eroticalia on his dresses totes
anatomically correct #srslyromantic&sensual (2) totes must-have
things of adorbs fluffiness eg like Naomi Campbell’s fur jacket are
genius since it is literally freezing ATM (3) uber-femininity, OMG the
blissful chiffon & dusty pink leather at Holly Fulton #WANT (4) the
new palest pink accessories eg non-swank my divine rose lambskin tote
#classic (4 and a half, that moment when you wish you had consulted an
expert listicationalist like at Buzzfeed who knows in advance whether to
make it five things or six things you ought to know about something, or
seven #edgy, or even 10 things except who has the time?) the cutest
retro lollies at Anya’s show #guiltypleasure (4 and three quarters) Anna
Wintour owning the Oscars in gorge blush pink & matching fur
capelet #fashgenius #pinkisthenewblack :)))) (5) the unbelievably
disgusting & hideous Labour “pink” women’s bus #patronising #wrong #downwithpinkification :((((
I mean Emily’s tweet was so right, it is literally EXACTLY like a
great big tampon shop on wheels, everyone is like, eeeuw, how gross
& vom-making is that, how dare they treat women like idiots, they
have totes broken pink for everyone #thanksHarriet. Literally if Vogue
is anything to go by most normal women are srsly LIVID #owngoal, &
nobody even dares to tell Anna Wintour she wore full Labour bus to an
award ceremony? I said to Dave, promise me if you do a conservative
women’s van you will pick a colour of autumn like eg aubergine or ochre,
plus mustard was *quite* the fetch hue at Burberry, he’s like, trust me
babes, I will never do a women’s bus, end of. I’m like, excellent, he’s
like, actually babes I will not be talking to women at all, Lynton says
the two things you need to know about women are (1) they are either
shopping or (2) moaning or (3) on maternity leave, so it is just not
worth it, I’m like, I am sure you said it was two things, he’s like, my
POINT?
